9.17.2013

Judgement

I have faith and I know that it is not my place to judge anyone. People are free to do as they please as long as they are not harming anyone, or themselves.

However the other day I was judged.

I was buying my sweet almost 6 month old (Not until Thursday) baby formula at Target the other day. (BTW they run great specials where you get a $10 gift card if you buy so many containers of formula!) The lady next to me in the isle was buying breast pads. I smiled at her, like I do with all mom's, and she gave me a dirty look. My inner self was all "WTF beyotch" But I just looked away and went about putting my formula in my cart. I saw her moving closer and she came over to me and said " You know breast is best, shame on you for pumping your baby full of processed foods already". I stood there with my mouth open for a second and she started to walk away. I yelled out to her "Have a nice day".

I finished shopping still in shock that someone would be that rude! I got in the car and started crying to my husband on the phone. "I'm not a bad mom, I tried to breast feed him, We had issues, I tried really hard". He calmed me down enough that I could drive home and it got me thinking about mom's.

We are all trying to survive. I tried to breast feed. I did so successfully for a week. Grayson could not keep down my milk. He had issues (that we now know are acid reflux). Grayson also could not keep up with my supply. I got so engorged and had milk fever so bad that I was stuck in bed for 2 days. I could barley feed him and he had a hard time latching because I was so hard. It just did not work for us. Our pediatrician advised us at his first check up that he had lost more weight than was normal and that he was jaundice. We were advised to supplements with formula. That night as I was in tears and G would not latch my husband and I decided to try a bottle of formula. Grayson drank it down and did not spit up. He was happier and slept better. I did cry for 2 days straight about the decision to not breastfeed. Breast feeding was not for us. And that's OK.

The lesson I learned was don't judge. So what if the mother next to you has dried puke on her and bags under her eyes. Giver her a smile. She is surviving.We don't know each others stories so we should not judge. I know I'm not the perfect mother. However my child is well feed ( I mean boy does not miss a meal at 20 lbs.) He has clothes and a nice bed to sleep in. So what if I feed him formula. That does NOT make me a bad mom. It makes me his mom, the only one that knows in her gut what is right for us.

I'm proud of myself for not giving into her rude behavior. I'm sure she is a great Mom, and I will chalk it up to hormones and maybe her own frustration in breastfeeding, and sleep deprivation, and just the whole world turning upside down thing. I will give her a pass and know that I'm a good momma. My boy smiles, and we love him. And at the end of the day that is all I can do love him and follow my momma gut.