Looking back

This day last year I was nervous as hell. I was being induced or so I thought.

We got up and went to breakfast and then off to the doctors office for one last check.

Nope still no progress measuring a big fat 0. And when I say big fat 0 I mean I was big and fat and my who who was a 0.

The midwife sent us home and said come to the hospital at 3:00. They would start pumping me with shit.

I was so nervous we didn't even check in. And being a first time scatter brained only think about the next meal going in my belly mom I didn't pre register either. So Michael had to go down by himself because once I got in that baby room they wouldn't let me leave.

I put on that gawd awful gown. ( they really should get something nicer) and sat in bed. They hooked me up. I was contracting!!!! I got semi- excited maybe my body was working. So she decided to check me. Nope nothing.

The midwife called and would not give me cervadil because of my contractions coming every 5-7 minutes.

My mom came and was amazed that I was feeling no pain because she said the contractions were pretty big.

I ordered food because I was starving since it had been 2 hours since my last binge. I remember  eating a grilled cheese sandwich, french fries, and chocolate ice cream. Michael and I talked about the baby coming. And holy shit we are going to be parents. The nurse gave me a sleeping pill and I passed the hell out. I woke up extra early because she told me by 7 the nurse would be in to start my IV for the pitocin. Well 7:30 and still nothing I called the nurse and basically said either start this shit or give me food. She ran my IV and started the medicine and gave me a red Popsicle.

Those 3 and a half hours of them upping my pitocin until it was at the max went way too fast. My mom and sister were there at the ass crack of dawn because Hello! Baby! Day! Was! Here! My mom again kept saying are you sure you don't feel that? Nope not a thing and when they checked me at 12:00 I was still sealed up like Fort Knox. The baby was starting to show signs of stress, but they didn't tell me that.

10 Minutes later they told me I was having a c-section at 1:00. This was it I was going to have my baby.

Still not knowing what we were having I had a million thoughts. They ranged from....if it's a girl a must buy all the pretty things, but if it's a boy oh no he has to get his wiener snipped to....Holy shit they are going to take all my guts out and pull a baby out of my stomach and what if they find twins in there. I was beyond irrational and when they wouldn't let Michael be in the room while they did my spinal block I almost told them that I would just keep the baby inside.

The one nurse happened to be my mom's best friends cousin and she took extra good care of me and even took pictures of my sweet boy being born.
When they held him up and my husband said "Baby it's a boy he's got balls" I cried.

It was the most amazing moment in my life. He was here my big fat baby boy was here. At that moment I knew I was meant to be his mom and something just clicked. It was truly love at first sight. I'm so grateful for everything this past year has been. And I'm so grateful for the years to come.

Sorry that all I have been talking about lately is my boy but it's so hard to believe that I have a ONE year old!!!
Happy Tuesday!