When I read through the topics for Mom Talk Tuesday with Stephanie I knew this one would be hard to write about and I wasn't sure what I would say. But I decided that honesty is the best policy and so here it goes.
Have a kid is hard. I love love love Grayson but becoming his Mama tested a ton of things about me. From second one they test your heart. And they win because they make it grow a thousand times bigger and ache because you love them so much. They test your patience, your sanity, how many hours you can go on 3 hours of sleep, and how many cups of coffee is needed to be able to "function" for the day. They also test your marriage.
Now this is my experience and no I'm not saying Grayson is a strain on our marriage but who we became after we had Grayson changed our marriage.
My sister-in-law gave me the best advice the day after I had Grayson and that was that Michael and I were both trying to figure out our new normal and that it was okay if I felt like I wanted to punch him in the face because that feeling would pass and that we should talk through it.
And yes I did want to punch him in the face. But it passed and we talked about it. Grayson will be two next month and I think we are still adjusting and trying to find the romance. In the last 2-3 months we have come up with a few simple rules that we try very hard to follow. Here they are and even these are still a work in progress as is everything in life!
Date night. Alone. Yes it's fun to go out with friends but it is a one on one connection that is needed. We try to do this at least once a month. Even if it means staying home and watching a movie once Grayson goes to bed. We try to do this at least once a month. It's hard and we are trying to come up with a plan with my Mom where she watched Grayson twice a month for a few hours so that we can have alone time.
NO phones after Grayson goes to bed. They go up stairs we don't touch them. We focus on each other. And while we only get about an hour a night together we try to make the most of it.
Undivided attention. This is my biggest fault. I try to multitask and I don't give him my undivided attention. I will be feeding Grayson, folding laundry and watching TV a while talking to Michael and I always miss something. He finally sat me down and told me that he felt at the bottom of my priorities so now during dinner we talk and I do nothing else.
Appreciation. Listen my husband is the best there is he does so much for Grayson and I. But we fell into a rut of just assuming that the other one knew that we appreciated everything the other one did. I have started telling Michael one thing he did that day that helps me out. For example today he brought my boots in so that they were warm when I went to put them on my feet and he put Grayson's eye drops by his breakfast snack so I wouldn't forget them. So I called him and told him how much that helped and that I appreciated it. He feels like what he does matters and it goes along way!
Cook together. For us cooking is very therapeutic. I love it, Michael loves it, and Grayson thinks he is a chef. I sit down on Sunday's and we meal plan together. That way we both know what we are having and when. And then we decide who will cook what. We don't cook together every night but at least once a week. It gives us a hobby together and we love it. Now it doesn't have to be cooking but a family/ you and spouse hobby goes a long long way.
Read This book
It changed our lives. Everyone has a love language and so I try to make sure that there is a little something in his love language everyday.