2.17.2016

All the feelings I have had up until this point....an innerdialouge of sorts.

Pregnant women are hormonal. Throw in double the hormones because of twins and you have a disaster.


I cry a lot lately. I also forget a ton of things all the time. Plus the other day I put the peanut butter and Pam in the fridge along with glass cleaner. I'm a train wreck.

Finding out we are having twins my initial reaction was pure joy!!! I just kept thinking
I always wanted 3 kids and look at that we will be having 3 kids, Oh my gosh 3 kids and 2 the same age, Please God guide me through this.

But after that wears off which it did about 10 days after our 12 week scan I got nervous and overwhelmed.

I made the mistake of googling some things about twin pregnancies while reading these I had a major meltdown
Oh my she got taken out of work at 27 weeks, I can't stop working at 27 weeks I need to work up until I have the babies, that mom had her babies in the NICU for 3 weeks, I can't come home without babies, I better start saving now in case I get put on bed rest.

Then lets not forget the fact that I have had a miscarriage and that made me a phsyco for the first 4 months.
I coughed and felt a pain, oh no something is happening, I'm not as sick today as I was yesterday, oh no something is happening, What if that lunch meat wasn't as heated as it should have been and oh crap I ate a hot dog but it was grilled is that okay? Just move already babies so I know your cooking in there!


About .25 seconds after our 12 week ultrasound to confirm that they were both healthy and growing I had this melt down with tears in my eyes
We need to buy another crib, car seat, we need 2 bassinets, another swing, more bottles, oh my gosh the formula, and what if we have a girl(s) I have zero girl clothes, and it is given that they won't come out 10 pounds each so I will need newborn clothes for both and another monitor oh my gosh all those diapers and daycare, we are going to go broke with having 2 babies at once


Thinking of Grayson
This is going to change his life. What if he hates being a big brother for 3 years it has just been our little unit of 3 now we are rocking his world with 2(!!!!!) babies at once. What if because at the end of my pregnancy and after my c-section I can't pick him up he starts to pull away from me? I will lose my mind if my buddy pulls away from me. Am I doing him some huge injustice because he is going to be the older brother of twins. I have to keep his schedule the same and make sure that he has special time with Michael and I. Please God lay it on my sweet boys heart to be a big brother, a leader, and to love unconditionally and know that we love him more than words can ever say.

Our family is amazing and has already helped us out beyond what they needed to do. My sister and brother bought us our swing and highchair. My Aunts all went in on our crib and some new sheets. Our parents bought us the mammoth stroller that will house all the kids and gave us money for the monitor we want. My grandmother bought us the bassinets for the babies and my Aunt gave me money for the baby keurig to make formula. The support has been overwhelming and the girls in my family have already been shopping and buying outfits.


Plus in God showing me that he is always good I got a pretty nice Christmas bonus at work this year and so that is helping us out majorly in preparing for the twins and for what might come if I have to be taken out of work.

Fingers crossed my pregnancy (as far as twin pregnancies go) has been pretty uneventful. I can still work and take care of Grayson (for the most part baths are pretty hard with the bending over the tub and all) but I'm over halfway there and still trucking along.


I have all the feelings everyday sometimes within the same hour I can be crying because I don't know how I'm going to manage 3 kids and then crying because I can see God at work helping us every step of the way.

This pregnancy is crazy and so different from my last but I remember these feelings too. Look at our lives and wondering how can we even do this? And that was just with one and 3 years in I think we have it down now we are just going to lean on eachother our familes and God to get us through this next transition and all my emotional breakdowns.