Mommy Guilt

I think this is something they put in the water at the hospital because as soon as you pop that kid out it comes.

It's a fleeting thought at first like when I couldn't change Grayson's first diaper ( I had a c-section and was still laying flat) MG took over and I felt like my heart was getting ripped from my chest. But then my husband stepped up to the plate in a big huge way and the feeling subsided.

I was pretty good with Mommy guilt for the first 8 weeks of G's life. I was with him everyday and I think only left him a few times, for maybe a few hours total.

But then I went back to work. That was hard. I felt guilty that I was excited, I questioned my bond with him. I questioned my ability to be a good Mom. But on the flip side I questioned my decision to work all together. Shouldn't I be the one taking care of him? How could I leave my perfect baby?

But after a few weeks, well, it all melted away. I was a better Momma because I had a break. I was a better wife because I had time away from all the diapers, and bottles and I didn't demand that my husband take him as soon as he walked in the door.

Now my Mommy Guilt is different. I always want to be the one to pick him up from daycare and if I can't it eats me alive. I always want to be the one to put him to bed and I cry if I can't because I'm sick or something.

But I know deep in my Momma heart that I need me time, my husband he needs his time and we as a couple need husband and wife time.

This weekend we have a wedding to go to so my Mom is taking G overnight and I'm excited to have a night out with my husband and not have to worry about coming home to take care of a baby. But I feel guilty saying that.

I know this struggle will never go away but I'm working on the balance and holding onto the fact that my kid? Yeah well he is super happy and super loved and at the end of the day that is what matters.

Linking up for One year and Beyond