Being Momma

Yesterday was Mother's day.

Mother's day last year was bitter sweet for me. It was my last official day on maternity leave. I was leaving my baby boy while I went to work for the first time since having him the day after. I was still sleep deprived, hormonal and the size of a house.

I remember the mix of emotions that was washing over me on that day. I was excited to get back into a routine but I was sad because I had to leave him.

This year? I have a crazy fun loving toddler who just lights up my world. I have no mixed emotions on being at work. Don't get me wrong here there are days that I call my husband and demand say "Figure out a way that I can be a stay at home mom!"

And when I get home we discuss it and talk about it and then I realize that he gets so so much from being at daycare (or as we call it school). He has grown leaps and bounds since starting his new daycare. The interaction and learning that takes place even in the infant room makes me feel at ease. I know he's not just a number and they are invested in my baby.

See this crazy boy of mine? He made me Momma. It blows my mind when someone wishes me Happy Mother's day. I look around and think who me? Oh that's right I'm in the club now.

The club who's membership comes at the cost of your own body. I mean to get into this club you sacrifice your body for 40 weeks! You give up all alcohol and caffeine and stop eating raw fish and cookie dough by the spoonful because hello! raw eggs and fetus don't mix.

The club that gets what a mothers love really is. Its this crazy thing that makes your heart grow in the blink of an eye, with just one look Boom! your in love. In love with this squishy, goop covered being. Someone you have never seen, but you feel like you have known your whole life.

The club that knows how it feels when mother's guilt kicks in or your hormones go on a roller coaster ride and you throw your hands up. Because toddlers, yeah those terrors, will get you to go bat shit crazy at the drop of a hat.

And I just have to say that the Momma club yeah that's oh so different from the Daddy club. Not better just different.

When I woke up to G being a monster in his crib on Sunday I scooped him up and we laid in bed together. And like on so many morning before he snuggled right into the nook of my arm takes a deep breath smiles at me and falls back to sleep. You see he knows I'm his Momma. I'm home to him and that moment that we shared right there is the greatest gift that I could ever have gotten. He is my Mother's day gift. This crazy boy is my heart and I'm so blessed.