6.03.2014

From Dream to Nightmare

I was clearing the yard on Sunday with Michael, it was a disaster from having 5 trees cut down and the grass was starting to look like a hay field.

I had a moment where I just felt this overwhelming sense of joy and I remember saying out loud "Thank you!". I was feeling so blessed and so so happy.

I floated on a cloud of pure and utter bliss all weekend and well into my Tuesday. And then my phone rang.

My Mom sometimes calls me in the middle of the day but I had a flash of "shit something is wrong" It was the same feeling I had when she called to tell me my Grandma had passed. I pushed it away and answered the phone.

She started off by asking me how I was (red flag #2 she normally just asks what I'm doing) I responded with some hesitant comment about good the next words to come out of her mouth broke my heart.

" I promised to always be up front with you and well the doctor just called and I have skin cancer"

The tears came instantly but I pushed them away fast and asked the standard questions. How big, stage, next step.

Unfortunately I know the standard questions when someone has cancer because my mother is one of five biological children and every single one have them has had a form of cancer.

This is the 4th case of cancer in my family in 3 years, all on my mom's side. This is my Mom's second form of cancer in a year and a half. It scares the living shit out of me. The spot that turns out to be skin cancer she has had since I can remember. Half of the spot fell off about 3 months ago she went to the doctor and they removed the rest it grew back a month later and this time they biopsied it and that is where we are now. WHY they didn't biopsy it before will haunt me forever.

I met her after work to pick out glasses something we had planned before she got the phone call. My Mom being the hard ass that she is acted like nothing was wrong. We went in picked out the glasses and then as we were walking out standing by our cars she told me more.

She has a form of skin cancer called Squamous cell skin cancer which isn't the worst but it's not the best either.

She is stubborn as an ass and is not having surgery until June 23rd. She is a teacher and has a trip planned to Washington DC with her class and will not miss it.

I went home last night and demanded ice cream after Grayson went to bed. My husband being the best in the world got it for me and let me blubber like a fool.

You see my Momma is my best friend. I talk to her everyday and I see her at least once a week and she is always saving the day for me. I would be utterly lost without that amazing women in my life.

So I'm crossing everything I can and praying extra hard and long hoping and praying that this turns out to have not spread and that after a few stitches we can move on with our life wearing sunscreen and looking like vampires.