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Finish the Sentance!!!!

Have you checked out Holly and Jake? Well you should. They are are both so hilarious and I wish I could be the cream in their funny Oreo cookie.
 Now onto business.


1. I always pick _____________ over ______________.
Bread over salad.You know when you go out to a restaurant and they bring a bread basket and then you get a salad with your meal? This carbivore will skip the salad and eat all the bread! This could be why my ass jiggles.
2. Look at the size of those...
 Lovely Lady Lumps
3. I recently learned....
That kids are stubborn even when they are 11 months old and that their sole purpose is too give their parents gray hairs and mini breakdowns every day. But then they smile and you forget all of it. They are hyenas.
4. Only when no one is looking...
Do I stuff my face with crap food. Example- Someone brought donuts into work. When everyone was around I was all "pshh I'm on a diet never will one of those touch my lips!" Then when everyone was back upstairs and I was down filling my water I ate a donut in two bites and it never tasted so good.
5. I lost my....
Credit card. My husband was going to rip my head off. I found it a week later in between the seats of my car. So since I found I started to brag like "hey I knew where it was the whole time" That only got me the stink eye and the finger.
6. I was certain I'd be...
A teacher. I wanted to teach English and I wanted the summers off. I was in my first year of college when the economy took a dive and teachers were getting let go. I dropped out and started working for the man. 
7. There is not enough liquor in the world for me to....
Watch the movie The Human Centipede. My husband was watching it and I caught a glimpse and I almost threw up. I had to leave the room and watch Disney movies on repeat for a week just so I would not have nightmares. 
8. I just finished...
My protein shake. I love having it in the morning
9. Why does everyone have to be...
So uptight. I'm a smart ass and some people are just so uptight they don't get jokes. Grow a sense of humor and pull the stick out.
10. It's very rare when I...
Wake up the first time my alarm goes off. I usually hit snooze about 2-3 times if not more. 
11. If I were a dog...
I would want a rich owner. The kind that build their dog their own house and get them a full wardrobe. 
12. I don't believe...
February is over and my baby will be ONE!!! I really feel like it was just yesterday that I was the size of house.



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